Monday, March 30, 2009


It's been many months since I put together my Mirror of Narcissus last year. Those red lights were in fact from the set of a play based on that very character, a gift by an old friend who was playing him at the time.

Back in those months, I embraced that character too. Getting made up every night and every day. It led to me being made up in all sort of other ways as well; making up a life that I thought I wanted to live.

And between then and now? Perhaps I became less fawned over myself, perhaps I feel less wanted and less desired. And perhaps that's because of a shift of the energies I give off. Much of that pride and narcissism I've left behind, left in another time, and in another skin. But who am I now then?

Have I evolved? Have I become more 'at one' with the universe? With the 'collective unconscious', with 'nature', and with 'God'? So many frameworks I've learnt and studied, and so many still to soak in.

I think I have grown. I've become more selfless. Still self-ish, in my quest for enlightenment, but more steady, more open and more composed. More at one with 'larger energies' than myself, more attuned with 'the force'. I've gained greater perspective. I feel now more than I ever have, how much of a miracle I am, and how much everything around me is just as much a part of that miracle. I see how wonderful it all is.

Moments ago, in my mirror of narcissus, I fed my 'desire' to feel 'desired'. I stood and adored the person before me.

Touching my soft skin and watching those subtle movements of firm muscles, writhing gently under my skin. Taking in those shadows dancing to reveal my masculine form. Patches of hair in all the right places, coarse and rugged. I finally embrace what I see and I feel joy for what and who I am...

...who I am?
Who am I?

Looking deeper into the mirror and whispering the world into stillness I saw the energies residing within me. Haunting me, and gliding gracefully through me. Emanating from me into the world, and absorbing the world into me. I'm part of the world.

Feminine and Masculine, Strong and Meek, Bold and Supple. ...I give thanks for it all.

And on the bed, there are 3 more miracles. And the miracle of time and movement will bring me to them shortly.

I love them, and forever I must remember to be true to that love. I must remember that love isn't simply a feeling, love is embodied in our actions. And to love is to lead a life of action. To adventure past what's comfortable and into what is loving.

I really like this quote - "Your success in life will be in direct proportion to what you do, after you do what you're expected to do." I think it's by Brian Tracy but I heard it from Brian Briscoe at the 40 under 40 awards. I'll sleep on that one, and see where it takes me.

Good night =o)

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