Monday, March 29, 2010


Knowing the man I'll be,
feeling the man I'll be,


Knowing the man I am,
and feeling the man I am.

The man I'll be,
the man I am -

knows that choosing your actions,
is a heavy weight to bear,
then it makes you strong,
and sets you free.

Free to love.
Free to manufacture dreams, outside of dreams.

Music That Moves

Having all my old music on shuffle, it's hard to believe anyone could move, tied up in so many limiting lyrics and mantras. "I need you", "they can't", "without you I'm nothing", "you're my all", "I'm so down".

So instead, I switched on some uplifting, joyous, life-celebrating melodies of Mike Oldfield.

Ahh, the bliss.

I feel it's true that we're a product of the environment we place ourselves in.
More and more each day, I see more clearly the man I want to be.
More and more each day, I'm building that environment.
And by being in that process, I feel more alive than ever.
Happier than ever.

Joy, the world, life, everything - it's all mine, all in my hands.


Friday, March 26, 2010

Making Dreams.

Marc just went to a place beyond words, beyond images, beyond feelings, beyond emptiness - to a place where he already existed.

- A place where the world was his through the power in his magic ball of string.
- & He was climbing trees, exploring tunnels, cataloging people and making dreams.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Push or Pull

Running last night, a question came to me - "Can you have an internal locus of control, and still believe in this benevolent and loving God? And does it matter?

It seems to me that the churches which advertise this God often teach things like -

- "It's okay, pray and God will help us",
- "Okay, these are the rules, and it's so because God tells us so",
- "Just live your life well and then God will decide how and when to reward you".

...that is, it's all about putting the power in some external place. These all seem like very 'external locus of control' things to say.

I'd say I have more of an internal locus of control.
I also believe in a God.

I believe everything in existence are all Gods, or Demi-gods, and that the sum of all our parts, is a larger God, a whole God.

Which reminds me of a quote -

"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear
our presence automatically liberates others."

- unknown source.

Coming together

The more I think, the more I think these aren't two mutually exclusive ideas. After all, we'd only follow this external God if we believe in what he's teaching, and we'd only create our internal God through what we believe.

And then from there, regardless of whether the God is inside or outside, it steers us and guides us to where we're going.

I guess the only difference is how we feel about that process.

Life ei? Full of choice and options. Let's have some fun :)

Wonderful World.

I woke up this morning, calmly ate my breakfast, and then enjoyed some tunes from Norah Jones' Stay With Me album.

Looking around the room and out the window into the world...
Feeling into the world...

... I was impressed.

Though it's been said 'many times in many ways' - It's a wonderful world.

And I'm sure you need no more explanation than that.

Monday, March 22, 2010


I was preparing coffee with a friend when it came -
the most terrific, relieving storm I can remember;
Glorious, Beautiful, Untameable nature - at her best.

When we got to the airport for our coffee date,
we looked out onto the tarmac from the viewing platform,
and the scene flew. The music swallowed us,
and the actors were performing at their absolute best.

Thunder which made your heart melt,
and your blood smile.

Lighting which shone through your eyes,
and lit up your soul.

Rain pounding on glass and through onto skin,
screaming at you that you're alive.

Running out into her wonderful embrace,
answering those calls,
my soul might have cried.




And now at home once more,
every second status on Facebook is of flooding,
damage, and stress.

But oh for the beauty.
Oh for the glory.

Oh for life.

It's times like this a good camera would come in handy,
but here she is, giving her final bow for the evening.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

What do you want?

All feeling is manufactured. Will you accept any old prefabricated feelings that life has in stock? Or will you work hard, save up, and order that super-amazing custom feeling you've been wanting since you were 4?

Don't know what you'd want a feeling for?
Don't know what feeling you'd want?

There's no right or wrong.
There's no good or bad. Ever.

There's just what we choose.


Will Choice be your curse or the greatest gift of this life?

What do you choose?

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


Recently, I'm seeing feminine beauty everywhere.

All around me - this bright, free moving and chaotic energy.
All around me - this delicate gracefulness, this softness.

It's so refreshing.

I think to myself about lust,
I think of that desire to drown myself in that energy.
I think of the impossibility of that desire ever being enough in my life.
I realise more and more that that desire is just a natural expression of something greater.

From books I've read and discussions I've had,
I'm think more and more that this attraction stems from my desire to be the complete opposite of that;

a desire to be clear of mind, to be strong in mind and in body,
a desire to be focused and balanced, to be "immovable in a sea of chaos";
not immovable through stubbornness or unknowing,
but immovable from a path of my choosing, "a destiny of my choosing".

Like I've said many times, I don't believe in a right or wrong in life,
only what we want and what we don't want.

So without knowing what you want, how can you be anything at all?
So I believe in choosing something - anything!
Then sticking to it.

Something that gives you joy.
Something that makes you happy.
Something, that is, that you want.

And so having chosen those wants,
having chosen that path,
I can now march steadily towards that end
- That end which can never end -

My life is clearer.
I am stronger,
& the world is more appealing, for it.

Laziness has been the source of my unhappiness.
Through commanding my life, and not being a slave to it, I know happiness.

Through commanding my life, I know love.
Love for myself, love for my lover, love for my world and for my friends.

For what true love is yielding to "illness", "bad luck", "jealously" or some aimless need to "possess"?

My love, like me, like my joy,
is strong, bold and confident.
It it unending.

And it makes me smile :)

And all that being said and done, I still appreciate that good old feminine energy just the same ;)

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Battle Report

First engagement was about 48 hours ago with a few skirmishes at the far outposts.

Our enemy has gained considerable ground over the last 24 hours and are currently suffering heavy losses at the city walls.

In addition to our resident warriors (The Leukocytes) we have enlisted some new HERO recruits - Codeine Phosphate, Pseudoepherine Hydrochloride, Chlorpheniramine Maleate and Atropa Belladonna. We expect a total retreat within the next 48 hours, but for now our citizens can be at ease once more, The Citadel of Papainius SHALL NOT FALL!

Friday, March 5, 2010

I am a God.

The most glorious day of my life was the day that I realised I was an all powerful genie. Sure, I have my wrist cuffs just like any other genie, but feeling that power flowing through me for the first time; for the first time, being conscious of it - I must say it was a spectacular first flight.

... & I haven't been back down since ;).

Choice, and the power to create action - are wonderful things.

I am wonderful.
I am divine.
I am a God.

And I wonder at how many people will understand.
But I understand.