I just got back from a run, and I feel fantastic.
I think the trick is, to wait until you're too tired to realise what you're doing, quickly chuck on your running shoes and mp3 player, then get out the door and onto the road before you get a chance to second guess yourself. My legs are a bit sore now, so I'll need to stretch them in a moment - but my whole body feels a little bit tighter, and every cell of my body is surging with energy, as if dancing and congratulating me on what a good thing I've done ;)
I came home as usual to the love-ly family. Jessie fast asleep in bed after a great day at uni, Chloe curled up in bed next to her, and Daphne pottering around the room waiting for me to settle in too.
I'm really proud of Jessie. She got all her first assignments in on time and is still showing the kind of enthusiasm towards study and learning that I always hoped she'd maintain. It's inspiring really. TO say the honest truth I'm a little jealous - with my feet getting itchy to start back at uni myself. But to be fair - I am enjoying what I'm doing right now. I'm working with more concentration and consistency than I feel I have in a long time. I've found some great books to help with that I'm enjoying learning in my own way (podcasts, books etc). With the plethora of things you can learn about - all of them are fantastic - right now I'm really learning more and more each day the joys of learning more about myself; learning about the way I live my days and focusing more and more on the ways I actually want to live them. I'm feeling "more disciplined, stronger and certain"**.
I'm really excited about taking up swing classes with Lauren next week, it should be so fun! And I've got a few dinners and get togethers with family and friends coming up too which should be nice.
So yes. I'm happy. I kissed and played with Jessie and the cats a lot tonight. We're communicating really well and I am indeed excited about speaking with Jessie again tomorrow! I feel as though there's so much in her mind and in mine that we don't find out or know about each other, still. And that's really amazing and encouraging. I want more =p
** "Straylight Run - It's for the Best"
While writing this blog this song came to mind, of its own accord really.
Looking at it now, it feels so familiar. I've been there at so many points in my life, and I think the beginning half really describes the transitions a lot of us go through as we move from adolescence into adulthood.
Many of us were naive, and I for one certainly had a major reshuffle of my core values systems. I think it was that and it's subsequent aimlessness that led to a life that I was so unhappy with, the life I can feel shadowing me even now and ever threatening to take hold again. But I don't let it.
I know now that personally I'm not equipped to travel life without personal values and goals. Without them I'm just killing time, "waiting on something that will never come". I guess when you boil it all down you could argue that I'm still killing time - but I'm not waiting, in that same pathetic sense of the word. I'm working and moving towards something, towards an ideal, towards a future which can and will come. I'm waiting, but as long as I focus and work at it, it won't be in vain.
Another blog will be - "What I want? (and what are my values?)".
I think I've written on that before, but I honestly don't think we can do that enough,